You Won’t Forget Him, But You Can Rebuild Your Life In The Meantime

One of the thoughts that generates the most discomfort in people who are in the process of breaking up and leaving behind a relationship that has been toxic is the fear of not forgetting that person. The fear that arises from feeling that that person is still present even though they are physically no longer in their lives and that has to do with the uncertainty of not knowing if at some point this will change and will really disappear completely.

Important emotional impacts also occur in this process when all the good memories come at once. Sensations that mix nostalgia and rage for those intermittent flashes emitted by that source of constant suffering.

Logically these people end up wondering: how do the memories of someone with whom I have suffered so much and from whom I have to get away are still so beautiful and cause me so much discomfort? Could it be that this is “the person” and I should not let it escape despite all the damage it has caused me?

And it is that indeed these people are still loved. This is what makes us suffer the most when we are distancing ourselves from someone for our sake and to safeguard our self-esteem. How can I love someone who has hurt me so badly? That is the question we ask ourselves over and over again.

You will not forget him and you will even continue to love him

Well, you can. You can love someone who has not deserved us. You can remember that person with the same affection and sweetness that their memories left us. Those questions that are sometimes received by some friends of “how can you not hate him with everything he has done to you?” “How, with all that you have suffered, are you not able to see him in another way?” And these questions, logical to the head, are puzzling to the heart.

Of course, you can continue loving a person who made us suffer. It is the logic of the heart. The passion and pleasant emotions that we have experienced are still there and they bring back good memories. Memories that when we want to get away from someone they harm us and make us suffer. Because our head is unable to understand this strange paradox.

But this paradox exists and it is human. It is useless to frustrate ourselves by trying to convince the heart not to feel when that is its task. The heart will feel beyond what our head limits. Perhaps you think that there are heads that limit the heart and for this they have built a fortress that, because it is thick and iron, attenuates the heartbeat until its echo becomes insignificant. But also think that every fortress, or wall, is defensive and takes us away from what we are truly feeling.

Sanity will be our ally on this path

Accepting this reality is difficult, but it frees us from having to put in a good deal of wasted effort. Now, that the heart “goes free” does not imply that we cannot use our head since sanity is what will help us keep our self-esteem intact. Not being able to forget someone who has been important in our life (no matter how much damage they have done us) does not imply that that person is the one that suits us.

Remembering is human and natural, just as it is to continue building our lives. In addition, doing it with this new learning experience will help us protect ourselves. Do whatever you want, join those activities that you always wanted to do but let slip, paint, dance, compose songs, write, build, create, love your loved ones … Love yourself .

Responsibility and self-love

Love yourself, take care of yourself, commit to your self-love. Make it clear what you have learned from yourself in this relationship. Blaming the other for the damage received is not going to help you beyond a while. But, knowing what you have been able to tolerate “out of love” or because of that passion that blinded you will help you take the responsibility that you have in this.

Think about it… be honest with yourself. Ask yourself: “What limits have I crossed in my relationship with my self-love?” Answer yourself calmly and with time. ” What limits do I already know that I am not willing to cross in any relationship?” Build yourself with this experience and do not rush if you are not able to forget him. Think that you cannot forget who you loved, but you can build new memories with new experiences that feed the love you deserve.