Why Do We Fall In Love With Some People And Not Others?
People are a fascinating conglomeration of attitudes, beliefs, emotions, desires and aspirations. Understanding why we fall in love with a specific man or woman and not with others is a challenge that has long drawn the attention of psychologists.
Emotions take root in our brain in a way that is difficult to understand, but it is they that penetrate in an implicit and almost magical way, in ourselves, in our personality and also in our desires.
The attraction is sometimes based on needs that we are not aware of, on aspirations and desires that, suddenly, appear defined in one type of person and not in others. Let’s take a closer look …
Why do we fall in love?
When we investigate those processes that take place in our brain when we are in love, magic perhaps loses a bit of its charm and moves to that colder world where we are determined by chemistry, by that wonderful mixture of neurotransmitters capable of causing us that so well known feeling of “being in the clouds”.
Endorphins, enkephalins and phenylethylamine are responsible for our euphoria and happiness, they are the ones who give us an injection of positive emotions and well-being. But what activates these processes, what makes our brain focus on one type of person and not another?
Theory 1: Family Similarity
Sometimes we are attracted to people who make us feel good because they remind us, in some way, of our parents. Something like this gives us security and confidence. We feel attracted because they are familiar to us, and being with them surrounds us with a feeling of pleasant affinity.
Theory 2: Correspondence
Another theory is that of “correspondence.” According to scientists, when we fall in love, sharing similar experiences, having gone through the same things, having similar tastes and values weighs heavily.
It is a good way to choose a partner for our life where all these aspects make life easier and more exciting for us. It is another type of very enriching affinity.
Theory 3: Admiration
Sometimes admiration for someone translates into love. It is that person who serves as a mirror, there where we see virtues, aspirations or dimensions that we have always wanted for ourselves and that, in some way, we have not reached.
It would be here, for example, where attractions appear with people who are very different from ourselves: sometimes we are attracted to people who are confident, outgoing and enterprising; while we are more insecure and somewhat shy. Opposite poles attract each other because deep down, they complement each other and fulfill the needs of each one.
Theory 4: A question of chemistry, a question of glands
Many studies assume the importance of so-called pheromones. They are substances secreted by some glands present in the lips, armpits, neck or groin that people perceive without realizing it thanks to an organ called vemoronasal, independent of the sense of smell. It is a smell that creates sensations, something unique in each person and that, in some way, also determines us.
These are the most common theories when talking about why we fall in love and why we are attracted to a certain type of people. Whether the theories are correct or not is something that time and ourselves will tell us, when that blinding phase of falling in love loses its intensity, its clouds and its flashes … making us see reality.
