Why Are We Offended And What Can We Do About It?

Some people have a habit of being offended extremely easily. However, all of us have at some time made the mistake of reacting disproportionately to an act or comment that, coldly thinking about it, was not that important. So why are we offended? Where does this inner spring come from that makes us jump towards “the enemy” in a disproportionate way?

For some reason, under certain circumstances our judgment is clouded and the most primitive or emotional brain takes the reins. If, analyzing it logically, we understand that we have exceeded our interpretation of the facts, why can’t we control ourselves at the moment?

The habit of being offended can cause great suffering. It makes us have the perception that others want to hurt, humiliate or underestimate us, which makes us stay in a constant state of alert. But, in addition, this extreme susceptibility affects our interpersonal relationships, tensing them, breaking them or turning them into a source of suffering for all those involved. What can we do about it?

Why do we feel offended?

The objective is not, in any case, to allow them to disrespect us or harm us. There are situations of obvious insult or clear aggression in which it is logical and healthy to feel offended and defend our integrity. However, in many other cases, it is more of a misperception on our part, and this is where we must act.

Main factors

It is important to understand which are the variables that modulate this marked susceptibility:

• Childhood wounds. During our first years of life, we experience situations that mark us with one of the five wounds that Lise Bourbeau exposes in her work. For this reason, as adults, when someone “touches” on that unhealed wound, the memories of pain resurface and magnify what happened. We are not so offended by what they tell us, but by what they awaken in our memory.

• Low self – esteem. We are more often offended if our self-esteem is not solid and strong. Our inner feeling of inferiority leads us to try by all means that others do not perceive us that way. For this reason we raise an image, a false and fragile self-esteem that we cannot allow them to attack, even minimally, or we would be exposed.
• Rigidity. It is also common that characteristics such as cognitive inflexibility or dichotomous thinking lead us to take offense. Those who feel that others should be and act in a certain way may misinterpret any act or comment that goes beyond their expectations. A joke can be taken as an offense if we do not consider it appropriate to react with humor at that moment.
• Habit. Repeating a behavior or pattern of thought only increases the ease of repeating it again. Repetition strengthens the associated neural connections, making certain reactions become automated. For this reason, some people may have made a habit of being offended, so that now it is difficult for them to find other cognitive ways to interpret other than that.

What can we do when we are frequently offended?

The main thing is to understand that nobody offends us, we offend ourselves, it is our choice. We cannot control how others speak or behave, our only choice is how to react to it. For this reason, it is necessary to get used to not jumping like a spring, to doing personal work in which we choose not to feel offended.

If the attacks are clearly harmful, use assertive communication, respectfully defend your rights or leave that link. But always analyze the veracity of your interpretation, as we commonly observe what happens through the lens of our wounds and shortcomings.

In this regard, you have to get rid of the habit of feeling offended and accustom your mind to seeking and using other cognitive pathways. Question, don’t assume. On many occasions, susceptibility leads us to expect the worst, to take negative intentions for granted when reality is not.

Relaxing our interpretation of what others say or do in their interactions with us will avoid conflicts. They will improve our social relationships and our inner state. Why not give it a try? Sometimes having peace is healthier than being right.