Why Are There People We Distrust Without Knowing Them?

Sometimes it happens, we distrust a person without knowing him in depth. It is like an inner voice that whispers to us “stay away” , like a cold wind that pushes us to go in the opposite direction guided by that instinct that, as a biological spring, puts us on alert.

These kinds of sensations that caress the surface of the mind, almost like an icy finger scratching our back, have little of the supernatural. Nor are they an act of precognition, nor a “radar” of wisdom acquired genetically by our ancestors. In reality, they are a simple survival mechanism.

It is clear, however, that sometimes this inner voice fails, that first impressions are not always correct and that there are those who sin excessively by trusting their “supposed” instinct. Now, if there is something our brain is prepared for, it is to anticipate risks, and therefore, to avoid physical or psychological damage, it raises this subtle echo rooted in our subconscious that tells us something as simple as:  “go away.”

You remind me of someone who hurt me

Elena is 32 years old and goes with her son and her partner to the consultation of a pediatric cardiologist. Your little one is 5 years old and suffers from a heart condition that requires quarterly medical supervision. Upon entering the office, a new doctor shakes hands and soon begins to recognize the child.

It doesn’t take long for Elena to feel a strange sensation as she carefully observes the doctor. There is something about him that he does not like. The way he smiles makes him uncomfortable, like a grimace of sibylline falsehood. : slicked and back.

During the 20 minutes that the visit lasts, this mother has barely listened to what the professional has explained to her: she doesn’t need it. So much so, that when you say goodbye and leave the consultation, you tell your partner that you are going to change your doctor immediately. That visit will be repeated but with a different person, with another cardiologist.

When her partner asks her why, she simply replies that she “doesn’t trust her . ” He does not say anything else, it seems good to have another opinion and agrees to find another professional. However, Elena keeps the real reason for her mistrust to herself. This woman hides a little piece of her life that she has not yet dared to reveal to you. ..

When she was 9 years old, Elena’s parents separated, and she stayed to live with her mother and her partner. Two months after they started living together, that man with the waxen smile and slicked-back hair began to mistreat them. After a year her mother stopped leaving the house, a dark and tear-flavored nightmare she doesn’t want to remember, and which ended when she told her school teachers everything she was going through.

Should we pay attention to that inner voice that tells us “run away” or “distrust”?

Something psychotherapists know well is that the person who does not allow himself to be “kidnapped” by the power of the amygdala is someone who has developed adequate self-control to stop living in fear. Now, does this mean that we should not listen to that inner voice that from time to time advises us to distrust something or someone?

Here are some facts to think about:

• Daniel Goleman explains to us in “The brain and Emotional Intelligence” that every natural reaction in which we experience fear or concern will be regulated by the amygdala. Ignoring that emotion or silencing it is not recommended, just as it is not recommended to let ourselves be carried away in a visceral way.

• . All the studies related to the sixth sense tell us that people who listen to those hunches or sensations emitted directly from the unconscious or from structures as primitive as the amygdala usually give more effective responses.

• This is so for a very specific reason: because “listening” does not imply “obeying” but rather initiating an adequate process of analysis and reflection.

: perhaps because it reminds us of someone we met in the past and whose behavioral pattern is repeated, perhaps because we sense that their values ​​do not harmonize with ours, or perhaps because our experience has already allowed us to know who is to be trusted and who is not …

Be that as it may, all we have to do is not let ourselves be overwhelmed by fear and continued mistrust. Every intelligent reaction has intuition and reflection as its wonderful components.

Do we put them into practice?

Images courtesy of de Forsa Ken (Chaperon Rouge)