Whoever Is Absent A Lot Soon Ceases To Be Needed

In life you have to be present. Present in the presence, mind and heart, and this is what we expect from those people we consider significant in our day to day. However , there are moments throughout our lives when we begin to perceive certain gaps, someone is absent and we see how habits are broken and silences appear. The elusive looks, and the doubts …

Sometimes those who are absent do not want to be present, and sometimes, complex situations are created that are prolonged in time through lies or half-truths. Having your head elsewhere is to stop paying attention to what we have around us.

Offering voids to people who are part of our present is a way to hurt and also to deceive ourselves. It is not appropriate for either party. However, there are also those who do not perceive it, who do not realize that theirs is not a satisfactory, healthy and emotionally safe bond.

There are people who simply do not know how to love. They do not know how to be present because they only understand one link: their own. We invite you to reflect on it.

The emptiness of being that is absent

In reality, and although it may surprise us, there are many types of absences. There are those who instead of living seem to just walk through life, without anything really capturing their interest. And there are those who, after having established a relationship, be it emotional or friendship, begin to show disinterest and apathy from one day to the next, disconnect and leave.

There are many people we have left behind, simply because ties have grown cold. Because the looks conveyed fatigue, or lack of complicity, or because being absent was the only way to be in balance.

They are normal processes within our life cycle. Our self of now accumulates many absences and closed stages where we left in yesterday, dear people from whom we learned, and that we may or may not miss. Now, it is necessary to know how to discriminate these types of absences that characterize a certain type of person. It is possible that these cases are known to you.

The absent parent

There are many children who perceive one of their parents as emotionally distant and even inaccessible beings. Within this definition, we can in turn differentiate two typologies.

• Tyrant parents: it can be the mother or the father. Some of the parents exercise a type of education based on tyranny, where there is no understanding, listening or empathy, and even less that emotional closeness that every child needs to grow.

• Lack of bond parents : it can sometimes happen that the father or the mother is not too interested in knowing what their child is like, or what their child does or does not do. There is no closeness, it does not impose, it does not argue, it does not accompany or educate. Communication is scarce and is limited only to “supplying”, working and supporting the family.

The absent couple

Real presence has nothing to do with physical space. It is something that we must be clear about, because that someone is with us by our side does not mean at all “that he is present” that he listens to us and even less that he offers us reciprocity.

• It is possible that in the mind of your partner there are other interests that he does not reveal to you, that his desires escape to other spaces, he is absent of mind and heart and that due to indecision, selfishness or fear, he does not dare to explain it out loud. It is a very destructive situation.

• The partner who is absent is the one who either looks the other way when they are with us, or lacks authentic empathy and emotionality to express closeness and affection. Either way, both situations offer high suffering.

Learn to be present

It is vital to bear in mind that to offer happiness to the people we love “it is not enough to be”. It is important to learn to be present not only for the welfare of others, but for our own psychological and emotional balance. We explain some simple keys to achieve it:

• Feel more and think less. Live your day to day with all your senses in place, let life pass slowly and learn to enjoy the simplest things: the laughter of your children, the voice of your partner, the breeze at sunset, the morning coffee and that cool pillow at night that rocks your rest.

• Always come back. Why are you absent at this very moment? Maybe you are remembering something from the past, you may be regretting a mistake, or you may be thinking about that project tomorrow. Come back, always come back and appreciate what you have before you, the here and now.

• Connect with your present emotion. It is frequent that in the day to day, we connect more with emotions of the past. Perhaps out of nostalgia, out of remorse, to remember that disappointment yesterday. However, all this is only past, and the past is not erased or edited. Learn to recognize and live your present emotion.

Images courtesy of “Art in the dark”, and Christian Schloe