When We Think We Are Perfect

Let’s stop for a few minutes and think about those moments when someone told us something they didn’t like about us. Let’s remember the feeling we had, if it was pleasant or rather it caused us some discomfort. Even if what we were told was constructive criticism, at first we were sure to put ourselves in a defensive attitude.

When we are unable to accept criticism or we become so rigid in our ideas that we do not see beyond, we can find ourselves in somewhat unpleasant situations. Because when we believe we are perfect, everything that does not fit with us we tend to reject it.

“I do not agree”, “you are wrong”, “what an ugly coat you have ever bought”, “do not correct me again” … are phrases that we hear, from time to time, by people with a certain tendency to believe perfect. It is as if they analyze their environment from an egocentric point of view and everything that is outside their norm is worthy of criticism or censorship.

Perfection and self-esteem

When we think we are perfect there is no room for personal growth.  Although, on many occasions, the belief of being perfect feeds in the mind unconsciously.

Most of us know someone more or less difficult to deal with. They are people who never (or almost never) give their arm to twist and seem to be in possession of the truth. However, it is not necessary that they show pride or arrogance, they are simply unable to recognize a mistake or that they are not right. Deep down, there is a feeling of perfection.

The belief of being perfect prevents the growth of a space for self-criticism. Also, it could be an indicator of not having good self-esteem.

As María Teresa González (1999), professor at the University of Salamanca points out, “the person with low self-esteem will tend to mark distances between their self and others as a means to protect a weak self. They will tend to be rigid and hypercritical of others as a mechanism to defend themselves against their own vulnerability. At the same time, he will experience the criticism as a personal attack . “

According to González, those with low self-esteem may perceive disagreements as an attack on them. At the same time, they will feel their self in danger and, in this way, they will tend to protect themselves. This protection will allow them to maintain their integrity in such a way that they will reject what they consider wrong. With which, the open-mindedness in these people can be complicated.

When we think we are perfect we stop learning

Believing yourself perfect implies a slowdown in our open-mindedness. We close ourselves off to new ideas, new ways of thinking, and new points of view. The fear of ridicule, of failure, of shame, on many occasions, hides behind this belief of perfection.

As González states, someone with good self-esteem ” shows a creative and open attitude to new ideas and new experiences, as well as flexibility to respond to new challenges in a playful and creative way . “

In this way, when we believe we are perfect we may be hiding a low self-esteem that prevents us from maintaining an open attitude to new ideas and experiences. Thus, the ideal will be to start the path to work and obtain a healthy self-esteem. As Oscar Wilde immortalized: “ loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” .

What can we do?

Recognizing our limitations without thinking that they represent great “tragedies” will help us to realize how much we can enrich ourselves.

There are a large number of people who prefer to invent some information on some subject than to admit that they do not have any knowledge. However, assuming that we have no idea and from there reading and training will provide us with an excellent opportunity to expand our knowledge.

Another important aspect is learning to receive criticism. When we think we are perfect we tend to accept criticism quite negatively. As the psychologists María Nieves Vera and Gloria María Roldán (2009) suggest, one of the techniques to learn to receive criticism is desensitization to negative comments. For example, if someone tells us that we wear very ugly shoes, the best we can do is repeat the phrase: “yes, the truth is that they are quite ugly”.

Vera and Roldán emphasize that ” most of the time, when we receive a criticism, we experience it as a personal attack or as a hurtful, embarrassing comment, which makes us feel hurt or become defensive” . The authors give us a series of recommendations to learn to receive criticism:

• Learn to control our negative emotions.
• Avoid feeling attacked.
• Know that a review is only an opinion and not an absolute truth.

Once we learn to be calm and listen to criticism calmly, they indicate that we can better serve them and evaluate them for our benefit:

• If the criticism is good, we can learn from it.
• We acquire the ability to learn to differentiate between a good criticism and an attempted manipulation.
• By not reacting with anger, we do not show our weak points.

• If they try to manipulate us, we frustrate the other person by being calm.

Finally, let’s think for a moment if it is worth turning our backs on the knowledge and experiences that we are missing because we believe we are perfect.

Let’s look up and look beyond what we already know. We will realize that there is an infinite field of knowledge and cultures with the ability to make us better people.