When Guilt Becomes A Very Heavy Shadow

Guilt is the price  we pay for belonging to what we call civilization. Although no moral catalog has managed to eradicate destructive behaviors, they have managed to moderate and curb them. Without those moral commandments and without the guilt that comes from breaking them, we would basically not be able to build stable societies.

We need guilt to know that there are limits and that it is not possible to do what we want, without consequences. This feeling is built up in our mind thanks to sanctions, physical or symbolic. It is instilled by the different authority figures and they help us orient ourselves and become, more or less, good people.

There is a point  where we no longer need sanctions to bear the burden of blame. Whether they see us or not, a discomfort appears, a deep discomfort, when we are aware that we did something that we have internalized as “bad”. We are ashamed of it and a fear of losing the respect or appreciation we feel for ourselves ensues.

Thus, not having the ability to experience feelings of guilt is serious. However, experiencing them in excess also becomes very harmful. In certain circumstances , it is possible to become obsessively guilty. The conscience is no longer that warm voice that makes you “good people”, but an implacable judge that does not leave you alone. It becomes so incisive, it makes you sick.

The different faces of guilt

Invasions of guilt take many forms. One of the most frequent is indiscrimination. It occurs when a person’s conscience is so restrictive that they cannot give a different value to thoughts, desires, and actions. For them, thinking  about doing something or wanting something is practically the same as having done it. Therefore, you feel guilt almost as intensely in all of these cases.

Another way in which neurotic guilt is expressed  is when there is excessive self-punishment  for having engaged in behavior that is considered reprehensible. The person torments and flails himself without compassion. He does not forgive himself for having a weakness or for his lack of judgment. He is capable of hitting or hurting himself on purpose, or unconsciously, to “repair” his fault.

There is also a modality that is called omnipotent guilt. It occurs when the person feels responsible even for matters that are completely beyond their control. For example, when someone has an accident and another feels guilty for not having been there to prevent or help them. It happens a lot to mothers, who sometimes feel as if they should have control over their children’s lives.

The crossroads of neurotic guilt

Those who have neurotic guilt feelings make their conscience their worst enemy. Develop a vigilant attitude, similar to that of any security service. Be aware of any potentially “dangerous” ideas, feelings, or wishes and take care of punishing them for having the audacity to exist. In the most serious cases, they paralyze your personality.

Many of these states of neurotic guilt originate at a very young age. A conflict with parents or emotional abandonment, give birth and germinate the idea that one is “bad. ” That is why you keep yourself under suspicion and punish yourself over and over again for being so “deficient.”

Likewise, a very young child sometimes experiences deep anger against his mother or father. Perhaps they have neglected you, are not showing you their love enough, or are behaving abusively. However, the little one does not allow himself to have those negative feelings towards the figures he loves the most. For this reason, he  turns all that contained anger against himself, transforming into a constant guilt during his adult life.

Sometimes that neurotic guilt doesn’t show up so clearly. You don’t think, you don’t feel, you act. People simply look for situations that hurt them and constantly boycott themselves  to punish themselves. When someone is caught between the crossroads of guilt, he ends up making his life hell and, even so, he never feels that he has already atoned for what he accuses himself of.