What Is Our Natural Reaction To Cheating?
In our passage through life we must face different types of deceptions, both personally and professionally. A trap can be public or private, made known or kept secret, affect only one person or many …
What also changes is the way we react to these kinds of lies. Although, it is worth saying, there are certain feelings that concern everyone who is deceived, such as anger and helplessness.
The reality of the deceptions
When we realize the reality, or rather, that someone has set us up, our first feeling is anger. Why? Basically because of deception, betrayal, mistrust … “How could I be so stupid to believe him?”, “He lied to my face and I did not realize it” are typical phrases in this situation.
Anger is not only towards the person who has carried out the deception, but also towards ourselves. Of course, because it is difficult for us to understand how we have been able to allow ourselves to be seduced, to lie, to cajole in that way.
Guilt is another of the frequent feelings after a lie. This is because we have been taught from a young age to ask for forgiveness and to feel ashamed of our mistakes. We cannot allow ourselves to make mistakes, and much less if it is to trust someone who later betrays us. We think that we are to blame for this deception, it is not easy for us to forgive ourselves.
Distrust is another of the feelings that arise from a deception or lying situation. “He who burns himself with milk sees the cow and cries,” says the popular saying. It couldn’t be more true. It will be a bit difficult for us to trust that particular person from now on and also in similar relationships.
For example, when we are cheated on by our partner, years may pass and the relationship will not be as before. If a friend lies to us, it is likely that we will end the friendship and then place enough trust in someone to turn it into a true friendship.
Can you manage the rage of deception?
Yes of course. Nobody says it’s simple, but it’s not impossible either. First of all, you need to accept that you have been deceived. This does not mean “out of the mouth”, but with feeling, with true understanding and acceptance.
In order to manage an emotion (in this case anger), it is necessary to identify and understand it. Yes, they have deceived us, it is something very unfair, but if we remain full of anger, we will not solve anything.
You will work anger from the point of view of injustice. How? Expressing it. It can be in words, writing a letter, painting a picture, screaming on top of a mountain or in the middle of the field, running a marathon, boxing, or crying.
As long as you do not choose violence and more anger, you can eliminate this feeling that weighs you down and does not let you move forward in the way you would like. You are sure to find the best way to channel all that anger.
There are also anger management courses that can help you. Or you can also do therapy with a psychologist. The important thing is that you transform that negative emotion resulting from deception into positive energy and that it helps you keep going.
Anger is a very bad counselor, never forget it. It does not solve anything, but makes everything worse. An exercise that can help you is the following:
- Say: “I feel angry.”
- Identify that this feeling is related to the injustice caused by the situation.
- Say goodbye to rage (using a technique like the ones above).
- Relax a bit by taking deep breaths, drinking tea, or taking a soaking bath, for example.
- Take a stand and a decision to combat that injustice (it could be to speak up, walk away from the person in question, or even take legal action).
Once you have gone through all these ranks, you will realize that the solution is simpler than you thought. You will begin to feel at peace with yourself, which is the most important thing. Also, you will be more careful next time before trusting someone. Now you know how to deal with deception …
