To You, Who Left Almost Without Saying Goodbye

To you who left almost without saying goodbye, who after so much (or so I thought) reduced everything to the insignificant. I still don’t understand how you can go from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. How a look can lose its shine in the same day and the words that they used to build became bullets straight to my heart.

To you, yes. At what point did you change your mind that I was so ignorant not to realize it?  How is it possible that he still believed that ours was authentic and true? Why didn’t you warn when you began to perceive that our security mechanism was no longer protecting us?

Probably I will be left without answers, with thousands of doubts and the feeling of guilt haunting me. One day I will think that it was me, another perhaps you, us or simply, time and routine … And others I will realize that walking around only serves to generate more anguish, more suffering and, of course, to keep you more alive, although just be in my memories …

To you, who were everything and became nothing in a matter of seconds

To you, yes. That you imagined the future with me while drawing a smile. That you made me dream of trips, unique moments and unconditional support… That you included me in your day-to-day life, in your new projects and even in your fantasies.

In fact, it was more you than me who sewed our illusions tightly, the one who reminded me how beautiful this we had was and that nothing and no one would separate us. Who told me that all he needed was how it made him feel… Sometimes calm, sometimes peace, other calm, passion and desire. Improvement and motivation, but above all how I valued him.

I refuse to think that you were able to erase everything in one fell swoop. Not only what we said to ourselves, but also what we concealed through gestures and hugs. The desire to eat the world, to accompany us on the sofa with our eyes closed, to hold hands, to kiss each other, to wrap ourselves in happiness, joke until the late hours, bite our cravings and touch each other on the bed, even if only by millimeters to make sure. that we were there when we woke up every morning. I refuse.

Maybe that was the case, I don’t rule it out either, but I find it hard to believe that the happy time we have woven has frayed overnight. Call me incredulous or ignorant, but feelings rule and I have a bad habit of always giving up your evidence.

To you, who left without saying goodbye and who did not bet on fighting but on abandoning

To you, who left without saying goodbye. This letter is for you, these letters lit by a love that seems to never end. 

I still can’t understand how this crack, this reluctance and this wanting to end everything that until recently tied us down, has arisen. But what kills me most inside is the uncertainty of not knowing your motives, of not even wanting to try, being the first time that the storm has come to shake us.

Fighting is the verb that supports the spine of couples, at least of those who have grown up from well-being and who do not understand to abandon everything the first time. Of those who know that unity is strength, that illusion is extinguished when love evolves, but that its flame can reignite.

Forgive me, but I don’t understand. It is impossible to close something without a key, without a padlock … that you have decided to leave open. And more difficult is when the option to heal it or at least to talk about what happens is not even considered.

Now, don’t think that I don’t regret the whole year I’ve done to you. I know that at some point my actions have not corresponded with what you expected, but it is also true that I needed you to tell me. I’m not perfect. A word, a gesture, a small sign … Something that would tell me how you felt, given the naivety of my actions. I don’t have a magic wand, much to my regret.

I want to apologize, hurting you was not my intention. I’m sorry if it was. But I still don’t understand the abruptness of the situation. At least this first time, if there was a previous one, maybe it would be easy for me or if we dragged the discomfort for a long time. But that same day you grabbed my hand, you told me I love you and you made me participate in one of your dreams … to discard everything at night.

To you, yes. That you left without saying goodbye. I turn to you because your absence stings me, scratches me and makes this feeling of emptiness grow wider and wider. Because I love you, I miss you and I feel that I miss you.