The Promises Of Love, Do They Nurture Or Only Excite?

Promises of love exist as long as romantic love exists. These are commitments made in the future, which are usually celebrated in moments of great love effervescence, either out of passion or fear.

It is very likely that those who make the promises of love sincerely intend to keep them. However, you are not always aware of how likely you are to honor that commitment in the future. That is why on many occasions they become a way of lying.

A good part of trust  in a couple arises from the possibility of believing in the other’s word. When this is inconsistent or fragile, the ability to trust the other is also impaired. Promises of love create expectations that are not always met. Are they worth doing or is it better to abstain?

The romantic promises of love

It is paradoxical, but promises of love serve the purpose of generating a sense of security  or stability in the other. The “I will love you all my life” is a statement that aims to grant certainty to the other and forge long-term expectations. The same goes for “there will never be someone else for me” or “you can always count on me.”

Marriage  itself is the formalization of a series of promises. An agreement by which each one assumes the commitment to adopt a series of behaviors in front of their partner. The expectation is that this will be so forever. There are those who are in the capacity to interpret these promises as part of the love folklore. They understand that whoever promises feels what he says from the heart, but is not exempt from rethinking it in the future.

Instead, other people cling to those promises like the castaway holding on to a life preserver. A person who already suffers from emotional deficiencies, who is dependent or who identifies the union as the maximum fulfillment of his vital desire can assume the promise in a much more profound and decisive way.

The promises of love and conflict

There are other promises of love that are more complex. They are those that occur after a problem or conflict in the couple. It is very common that they have to do with not repeating some behavior that both consider reprehensible.

“I will never lie again” or “I will never be unfaithful to you again”, for example. Those, more than romantic promises, are the ones that, when broken, can produce a radical loss of confidence. They also help to configure toxic relationships, in which the value of the word is increasingly lost.

The effect of those broken promises is disappointment and a breakdown in communication. What the other says ceases to have credibility and the pacts begin to lack value. An inappropriate type of dialogue is inaugurated in which reproaches, lack of faith in the couple and the feeling of uselessness of the word prevail. This deteriorates the relationship, since this, if it is healthy, must be based precisely on dialogue.

Forgive or revalue the word?

Cycles of broken promises of love often end with new promises, incomplete acts of reparation, or forgiveness not granted. Sometimes, in fact, the other does not honor his word due to some exceptional circumstance. That eventually it is not possible to fulfill a commitment does not mean that we will never achieve it. In those cases, forgiveness inaugurates a new pact, which this time is fulfilled.

In spite of everything, it is worth evaluating the true weight that the word has in a relationship. The stability, the tranquility of both and even the affection are associated with it. Nothing gives a relationship more solidity than trust and dialogue.

For this reason, perhaps the way out is not in strictly fulfilling the promises of love, but in thinking well before formulating them  or doing it in terms that really allow them to be fulfilled.

As a rule, promises of love that include “always” or “never” represent significant challenges. Many times we are not able to maintain such stable behaviors with ourselves and this must be taken into consideration before arguing that we can do it with another.

In relevant issues it is important to measure well the scope of the content of the promises. It may be necessary to delimit it in a more precise way in time or condition it to circumstances that may arise. Revaluing the word helps to build healthier relationships, in which illusion prevails over disappointment, faith over hopelessness.