The Fear Of Being Wrong, The Enemy Of Decisions

We spend the day making decisions almost without realizing it: from what to eat to how to dress or what to do in the afternoon. The truth is that not all decisions are equally relevant. There are many in which we cannot turn back and that, in addition, give a 360º turn to our life; hence the fear of being wrong is the most frequent fear of the risk of making a decision.

Will it be the best option? What consequences will there be? Can I rectify if I don’t feel comfortable? or how will it affect me? are just some of the questions that wander in our minds when we have to make an important decision. Thousands of doubts that immerse us in a mixture of restlessness, uncertainty, anguish and responsibility and that sometimes can paralyze us and induce us to live passively.

The fear of being wrong is a reality that affects some more than others, but it should not go unnoticed. Let’s see below what it is, how it affects us and what we can do when it appears.

And if when deciding, am I wrong?

One of the most common questions when we have to decide on something is “what if I’m wrong?” It does not matter if we are part of the management team of a large company and we have to decide on how to restructure the staff, if we are doctors and we have to choose a treatment for a patient or if our son has a serious problem and we have to decide how to act.

Because what makes the fear of being wrong a real nightmare is not so much the situation itself, but how we perceive it when we have to decide, that is, how we see and experience what is happening to us. Something that, in reality, depends on our personal characteristics and the capabilities that we have acquired over the years.

Thus, if we feel incapable and invalid, it will be much easier for anxiety, anguish and stress to appear in their most intense forms until they become paralyzed. While on the contrary, if we think that this decision is difficult, but that we can carry it out, it may or may not appear in its mildest forms, what will happen is that we will not let so much time pass between doubts and questions.

Types of fear of being wrong

Thus, the fear of being wrong can present itself in three ways depending on the perception of the situation and its intention, according to the psychotherapist Giorgio Nardone, one of the leading experts in anxiety and panic. They are as follows:

• Mild : the person manifests constant indecision and high anxiety before deciding and while the results of their decision appear, so they will seek support and take time to make the decision.
• Medium : indecision is such that it affects personal and professional efficiency, with the action times being longer and may lead to the inability to not decide. In addition, it is common for responsibilities to be delegated to other people and anxiety is constant.
• Severe: the decision-making process is blocked and the person tries by all means not to decide. It is very likely that panic attacks and episodes of depression are experienced, since the person is perceived as incapable of assuming such responsibility, as well as invalid.

The fear of being wrong and the low tolerance for error

Deciding implies taking risks and therefore the possibility of making mistakes, so why so much fear of being confused? After all, it is a logical consequence. What happens is that making a mistake, in addition to not being “well regarded” socially, is also associated with failure. And the human being is a great enemy of failure, since one of the main emotional consequences derived from the mistake is personal dissatisfaction.

We do not tolerate error, even if it is part of our learning and our evolution. What’s more, we prefer to do everything the first time, perfect and without objection, without taking into account that each of us has come this far thanks to the fact that we have made mistakes many times and that as a result of those experiences we have learned several lessons.

Or do we really think that there are people who do everything perfectly, who have never been confused or made any mistakes? Even the little ones do it and constantly. What happens is that we do not like to admit it because in our minds the error is directly associated with failure and this with a negative way of evaluating ourselves.

In other words, there is nothing more natural than to err. The important thing is what we do with this error, what it is for and how we manage it.

Beyond the fear of deciding: how to act?

Now that we already know that the fear of making mistakes is a matter that depends on each one of us, that there are different variants of it and that making mistakes is more common than we thought, the question is how to act?

What does it mean to know how to decide?

First of all, it means keeping in mind that a good decision implies managing the fundamental psychological triad: cognition, actions and emotion. Something that we often overlook, as most people think that a good decision involves good reasoning. The question is, what happens if we don’t know how to apply it? What if fear or any other emotion takes over us?

Therefore, taking into account the above and according to Giorgio Nardone, the fundamental factor that determines that a person is capable of assuming responsibility for a decision is fear management, as this can condition the rest of the factors. Or what is the same: not let the fear of making mistakes gain ground and be the one who rules over us.

Manage the fear of being wrong

Once we know that not only our thoughts are important, but how we react and what we feel, the next step is to limit fear. This entails facing it and not avoiding it, because if we do the latter the consequences will be much worse in the long run and for this there is nothing better than accepting the inexorability of fear and perceiving it as a resource.

• A good strategy is to find out what this fear is for, what function it has. Obviously, protect ourselves, but from what? Of failure?
• The next thing is to ask ourselves about the possible costs of making that decision. What expectations do we have? What consequences will there be? How will they affect us? Are we willing to take the risks?
• It is also convenient to consider more than one possibility as a preliminary step and from among them, choose the one that we believe best.

• At the moment in which we have already selected a decision, it is convenient to reflect on how we are going to carry it out – so as not to leave everything adrift – and take into account a percentage of uncertainty and uncontrollability or surprise factor. Obviously, not everything will turn out as expected.
• In the event that we find ourselves stuck, asking for help can be valued. Now, this does not imply delegating responsibility to other people, but consulting, asking for an opinion, but not looking for a possible culprit in case it goes wrong.
• An important aspect: we must not take a step forward before we are clear that whatever happens, it will not affect our global personal worth. An error is not a gauge of who we are and how much we are worth, but of our experience.

In addition, we cannot forget that it is important to consider what to do if we are wrong, otherwise falling into the trap of blame – blaming and blaming ourselves – will be one of the most likely options. So, if we make mistakes, how about we analyze the attempted solutions (decisions)? In this way, we can learn what is not working.

In short, to get rid of the fear of making mistakes, we must be flexible with the error, see our own fear as a resource and be in possession of the necessary skills to carry out what we have decided.