The Benefits Of Empathic Communication

Communicating effectively is not that simple. Assumptions and misunderstandings abound more than clear messages and accurate interpretations. That is why Marshall Rosenberg developed empathic communication, also known as nonviolent (NVC).

This tool was born with the intention of providing the necessary skills to interact in a more collaborative way and in harmony with our values. Thus, in addition to avoiding possible conflicts and misunderstandings, it allows us to resolve them emotionally and rationally, abandoning more traditional ways. Empathic communication aims to help us maintain active listening based on mutual understanding.

Assertive personality

Assertiveness is the middle ground between passivity and aggressiveness. A skill that allows expressing personal opinions, respecting others and also setting limits. Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg encourages us to put it into practice to improve our relationships.

One of the most common traits in assertive people is the affection they feel towards other people’s shortcomings. That is to say, they do not criticize them, nor do they feel careless or indifferent to them, but rather embrace them to understand them. Hence, assertiveness is a main aspect of empathic or non-violent communication.

Contributions of empathic communication

Empathy, that ability to put yourself in the place of the other, is also part of this type of communication. In addition to the command of verbal and non-verbal language, both his own and that of others.

Empathic communication aims to establish a sincere and authentic relationship between sender and receiver. Thus, some of its great benefits are as follows.

Creation of satisfying personal relationships

Empathic communication is committed to the expression of a concise, precise and rigorous message that contributes to a better understanding. This, in turn, leaves less room for criticism and more for effective message exchange.

Thus, if we share our concerns in an assertive way, we are offering the other the opportunity to understand us  and share our unease. Marshall Rosenberg particularly insists on the importance of making the other share in the “shared hope that has failed” between the two.

Conflict resolution

The key to proper empathic communication is to speak from one’s own feeling, from the “I”. Thus, no one can discuss what is communicated because that part is individual and belongs to the person who expresses himself. Therefore, when you want someone to not interpret your message as a hint or an attack, but as an attempt at non-violent communication, start the sentences with “I feel” or “I feel”.

Instead of saying “We were meeting an hour ago. You are always late. You are selfish ”, replace it with“ I feel that every time you make me wait so long I lose the desire to meet you. It’s demoralizing, maddening and makes me feel powerless. “

If you change the accusations and criticisms for messages about how you feel, the communication will not become so negative. The other will not be offended, you will be able to express yourself and instead of being upset you will be able to reach a solution.

Honesty

You have to know how to say “no” and accept the negatives of the other. Only then can you be honest with yourself and with others. But in order to be virtuous, you must eliminate all kinds of speculation or destructive communicative behavior.

According to CNV expert Bob Wentworth, “An observation sets the context, feelings support the connection and get us out of our heads. Needs support the connection and identify what is important, and a request clarifies what kind of response you would enjoy. ” Using these components together eliminates all chances of making moral judgments, as you will see later.

Development of the ability to listen and understand

Nonviolent communication encourages the development of self-empathy. Understood as the compassionate way of understanding what is happening within us. It involves noticing feelings, thoughts, and judgments; and connect with those needs that paralyze or block us.

In addition, this type of communication also fosters empathy as the ability to affectively understand the heart of the other. Therefore, it not only allows us to understand your ideas or thoughts, but also your emotions and feelings.

Behaviors that block empathic communication

Rosenberg assures that, just as there are many benefits derived from the practice of empathic communication, there are also certain ways of communicating that block the development of this type of communication and therefore, of empathy and assertiveness. We will see some of them below.

Moralistic judgments

Moralistic judgments are an impersonal form of expression that does not convey what the other person really feels, but masks it. They take different forms such as criticism, harassment, insults or cynicism.  Rosenberg proposes to replace them with objective observations and avoid any judgment regarding the other to focus on what they feel.

“The report you gave me is a disaster. That way we can’t give it to anyone ”. We can change it for a “In the report that you have given me there are some ideas that we should have a look at. Try to change them before we give it to the customer. “

Lawsuits and comparisons with other people

Requests, demands, offenses … We use all kinds of tools to force the other to understand us. In the end, they are threats that carry guilt or punishment if we do not achieve the requested demands. Other forms of aggressive communication and manipulation.

Denial of responsibility

A very common example of this behavior occurs when the adolescent brings the notes home and says, “Mom, I have been suspended.” This “have” instead of “he” is a way of attributing the cause of his misfortunes to agents external to him and of avoiding his responsibility.

Other ways to do it are using impersonal or conditional language, referring to our diagnosis, history or experiences. The point is to avoid the consequences of taking responsibility for what happened.

As we can see, empathic communication requires a personal effort on the part of both interlocutors, but the benefits that are obtained deserve that previous work.