Pampered Children: Characteristics And How To Set Limits

Let’s talk about spoiled children, or rather, children who show spoiled behaviors. There are two variables that play an important role in its origin: on the one hand, the temperament of each child and genetic weight, and on the other, the education received. When this education stands out for its lack of limits or coherence, it is easy for children to begin to develop this type of behavior.

The key? Learn to set limits and, above all, reinforce appropriate behaviors that move away from unwarranted tantrums to get what they want. In this article we talk about 4 characteristics of these children, possible causes of their behaviors and how to learn to set limits with them.

Spoiled children: 4 characteristics

What characteristics do spoiled children have? We talk about 4 of them.

They want to get away with it

One of the characteristics of spoiled children is that they are capable of doing everything they can think of to get what they want; There are no prohibited or prohibited behaviors that, a priori, they cannot consider. Why? Because they don’t tolerate frustration or limits. They want things to be done their way, following the times they set and with the results they expect.

This is very behavioral; In other words, it is not that their way of acting is the product of reflective thinking (especially when they are young), but rather that their behavior manifests it. It would be something like: “I do not get the reinforcer, because I stop behaving well.”

They have a low tolerance for frustration

As we said, spoiled children have a low tolerance for frustration. They are very used to having reality conform to their wishes, regardless of the price that others have to pay for it.

Thus, they are children who have not been able to develop strategies to tolerate frustration, because they have had few opportunities to face it.

Disobey

Another of the most outstanding characteristics of these children is disobedience. Ignore  the demands of the parents, and ultimately go to yours. This is closely related to the absence of limits.

If these are not marked on time, there is a risk that children will disobey parental orders or demands, because they have never had to “behave well” or follow certain guidelines.

They use tantrums to get what they want

Spoiled children use temper tantrums, tantrums, and anger to get what they want; attention, that parents give in to their wishes, etc.

In turn, this means that they do not develop negotiation or empathy skills, and that it is so difficult for them to share, understand others … Why? Because they have always focused on their own behavior, on what they need.

And back to the tantrums; It is important to know that giving in to them is a double-edged sword, because at first they can alleviate a child’s tantrum, but over time, the child will continue to use that strategy to get what he wants.

Causes of spoiled children

In the origin of spoiled children influence, as we said in the introduction, genetics (temperament) and environment. Within this second variable, the environment, we find parental educational styles.

These greatly influence the development of children’s functioning. Thus, beyond the temperament and character of each child, we know that spoiled children are often “born” of certain overprotective behaviors of their parents, or the absence of limits. Among these and other behaviors we find the following:

• Do not set limits.
• Give in to tantrums or misbehavior.
• Not setting rules at home.
• Reinforce inappropriate behaviors.
• Not reinforcing appropriate behaviors.
• Act inconsistently (especially in relation to limits).

How to set limits

How to set limits for children? What strategies can help us? Some of them:

Agree the limits

It is important that these limits are explained to children in a clear, simple and age-appropriate way. They can also benefit from being able to “say theirs”, that is, to give an opinion, to express what they feel in relation to those limits, and so on.

Here it is not so much a matter of giving in to what they “demand” or think, but of giving them a voice and, when possible, reaching a common agreement (especially if the children are already older). Thus, they can feel that they are also part of the process.

It seeks to negotiate with them, although logically, there are limits that will be firmer. As parents, you must make them understand that these limits must be respected without the possibility of negotiating with them.

Offer alternatives

If we “prohibit” a certain behavior from a child, that is, if we set a certain limit, we must also offer an alternative behavior. For example, “you cannot play on the kitchen floor, but you can play in X places in the house”.

And it is that children need room for maneuver to be able to develop as autonomous beings; they need to know what not to do, but above all what they can do.

Reinforce appropriate behaviors

When it comes to setting limits, reinforcing appropriate behaviors can also go very well for us. Why?

Because it is a way to increase the probability that this behavior will reappear in the future and, in turn, we are teaching children what they can do.

Let’s not forget that children are constantly developing. And that, in this development, practically everything influences; In this sense, the education received has an important weight.

Therefore, if we want to prevent our children from showing spoiled child behavior, it is important to start by setting limits while respecting their rhythms and evolutionary moments.