LAT Couples: Living Apart As A Solution?

Although the term was used by a Dutch journalist for the first time in 1978, it was in the year 2000 when American academics and journalists appropriated the term LAT ( Living-Apart-Together ) couples to refer to  those people who have an intimate relationship and they live separately, although they coexist sporadically (weekends, vacations, long weekends, etc.).

Currently, we believe that the models of interpersonal and family relationships are being transformed. However, it is likely that these types of couples have been somewhat invisible throughout history. On the contrary, today models of relationships that do not respond to the traditional norm are emerging.

This series of changes, and specifically LAT couples, is one of the themes that is in the focus of the sociology of the family. Some authors consider that these couples are traditional models in which for different reasons (difficult access to housing, the labor market or degree of commitment, etc.) the circumstances have not been given to live together.

Others, on the other hand, think that it is a new model of couple based on emotional, individual and intimate freedom. For these, being a LAT couple is a personal decision. In these couples, the commitment to the other is maintained despite not sharing a home, while in traditional couples the coexistence would come over time, hand in hand with the commitment.

In what context do they arise?

Researchers are interested in finding individual, demographic or cultural characteristics that allow us to better understand this type of couple relationship.

However, it is necessary to contextualize it in a society that is undergoing changes that affect relationship models : difficulties in fertility, difficulties in terms of the stability of the labor market, as well as a growth in the level of education and attention to health. gender equality.

Other new models are also currently emerging due to ideological changes : open relationships, polyamory, hybrids, swingers , etc.

We live in an age where even new technologies are redefining how we relate, how a relationship begins, the importance of distance. In this sense, it is clear that the concept of love and a partner has today more than ever a subjective character.

Why choose to be LAT?

This type of couple has been observed in all age ranges. However, it appears that the reasons for maintaining an LAT relationship differ by age group.

Among young people between 18 and 24 years old, the profile is usually that of students who are still living with their parents. Thus, the motives of young people to maintain this type of relationship are often beyond their control (dependence on parents, care responsibilities, studies, etc.). In fact, they often indicate that they would live with their partner if conditions allowed. Thus, in this age group, the main reason would be to be in a transitory stage towards a greater commitment and later coexistence.

For adults 30 years and older, LAT couples are a way of sharing intimacy, while enjoying their own autonomy. Therefore, the intention of taking the relationship to a more traditional point (wedding or cohabitation) decreases with the years. In addition, the duration of relationships is significantly longer than those of young people.

Can such a relationship last?

Few studies have looked at these relationships over time. However, members’ intentions for the future are often studied.

Some research indicates that between 20-30% of LAT couples stay or intend to stay that way in the future. Apparently, this intention is linked to age, with young people between the ages of 25 and 29 being the most likely to end up living together and marrying. On the other hand, those over 60 are the ones who most want to maintain the relationship separately.

The length of the relationship also seems to have something to do with it. The intention to marry increases around a year or three years of relationship, while in relationships of more than 3 years the intention to continue in the same situation is the predominant one.

In general, regardless of age, social pressure plays an important role in the intentions about continuing to be LAT or not. That their family and friends think they should live together and ask questions or comments about it, makes the members of the couple consider how to do it in the years to come.

It’s the solution?

In summary, LAT couples decide to maintain this type of relationship for two main reasons: lack of resources or voluntary choice for autonomy. It could also be that it was a choice to try to solve some problems or difficulties that may arise in coexistence. For example, distribution of tasks or children of previous couples.

It is common that the main advantage found is the preservation of one’s autonomy and privacy, as well as preventing possible losses (economic, other relationships, materials, etc.). This, clearly, will be determined by the attitude or ideas that are maintained towards the relations of couple or marriage.

On the other hand, it can also pose a number of disadvantages, especially to those who have an ambivalent attitude towards LAT relationships. In that case, the flexibility of these relationships can generate dissatisfaction or feelings of insecurity because the other has declined when living with one. Or, in general, coexistence provides more opportunities for intimacy and instrumental and emotional support.

Ultimately, whether it is the solution to meet your own needs or not depend solely on personal values ​​and preferences, and the reasons that led you to make that decision.