It Is Good To Let Go Without Having The Need To Hurt

It is good to let go, but it is better to do it without resentment, freeing ourselves of the burden of anger, rage and grief. When we can calmly let go of our way of contemplating the game, it is much more subdued, more bearable, more free.

It seems a contradiction but escaping from painful and unhealthy emotions is possible. Although there are moments that require living intensely, it is possible to do it without hurting, without throwing things at our heads, without figuring out how to hurt those people who have done it to us.

How is it possible to let go without rancor? Channeling, preventing emotional overflow, knowing our emotions and allowing us to express them in the least harmful way possible for us and for our environment.

Grudge makes us vulnerable

It is very difficult not to feel anger and resentment against someone who hurt us with their selfishness, their attitudes and their bad actions. However, we can manage to channel our feelings through a process that involves:

• Understand that anger is normal but that anger only causes us more pain.
• Each one must examine how their emotions are manifested and transformed into resentment. For that, the first thing to do is take perspective, let our mind and the situation cool down and re-evaluate our thoughts.
• The events themselves have already hurt us, so there is no point in self- harming ourselves with destructive thoughts and behaviors.
• Seeking satisfaction, repair or return of those emotional parts that a relationship has taken with it is useless. There are no magic formulas that heal wounds quickly.

• Thus, to get rid of the heavy burden that failed relationships constitute, we must first make use of that wonderful ability that our brain gives us: forgetting.
• It is difficult to forget, so at first we must work on not paying attention to the memories and the details of the ordeal that concerns us.
• This will help us speed up the forgetting process and neutralize our unhealthy emotions. The next step is not to feel sorry for oneself, not to put oneself in the role of victim and to contemplate the option of forgiving the damage that the person who wants to leave our life does us.

Forgiving does not erase the damage

Nor does it justify anything, nor does it exempt those who have offended us from responsibility. However, forgiving does help us so that our thoughts do not destroy us, and we do not lose confidence and respect in ourselves.

We all want to leave behind a relationship that suffers from negative feelings, that marks our experiences in a negative way, and that destroys a part of ourselves that we value or appreciate. In this sense, the metaphor called “the weight of resentment” is very illustrative :

Resentment, that was the topic of the day in our class. In order to talk about it, our teacher asked us to bring some potatoes and a plastic bag. Once we were all seated, he asked us to take a potato for each person we held a grudge against.

As expected, the potatoes were increasingly deteriorated and we were already tired of transporting them with us everywhere. We were already learning our lesson, as our bag clearly showed us the emotional weight that we were carrying on a daily basis.

As we turned our attention to the stock market, we neglected things that really were more important. In turn, we felt how the inside of our sentimental backpack was rotting and becoming more and more annoying.

Only by making it tangible did we realize the price we were paying on a daily basis for holding great resentment for something that had already happened and we couldn’t change. The more our resentment grew, the more our stress, our insomnia, and our emotional attention increased.

The absence of forgiveness and liberation is like a poison for us from which we take a few drops every day but which deteriorates us anyway. In short, it is clear that forgiveness is not a gift for others, but for ourselves.

On second thought if a breakup has already hurt us, there is no point in letting it continue to take its toll on us any longer.