How To Teach Children To Tell The Truth

Until the age of five, children are too young to understand what a lie is, since it is from this age that they begin to learn the difference between right and wrong. However, this does not imply that we do not worry about teaching children to tell the truth, about establishing a base from which later to begin to build the value of sincerity.

Between the ages of three and five, children begin to draw the line between reality and fantasy.  Therefore, telling a lie is not an unusual way to explore that limit, but rather another way of experimenting how far they can go. However, parents often react with some vehemence to what they consider a lie on the part of their children. The point is that it is not always the best way to handle the situation.

Furthermore, children lying from time to time should not, in general, be a cause for alarm. However, when children find that lying helps them stay out of trouble or that through it they get the attention of others, it can become a bad habit. Let’s go deeper. 

Keys to teaching children to tell the truth

It is important for parents to deal with lying in a direct way that promotes honesty. The following strategies are very helpful in teaching children to tell the truth.

Establish rules about telling the truth

At home there should be a clear rule that emphasizes the importance of telling the truth. In this way, parents ensure that their children understand what their expectations are and the importance they place on the value of honesty.

In addition, it is important to clarify that these rules have to be followed by everyone, adults included and, of course, set an example of this.

Offer a model of honesty

On the other hand, to teach children to tell the truth, you have to offer a model of honesty. This is, as we said before, setting an example.

Sometimes children cannot distinguish small lies or white lies from others, hence it is essential to talk to them about it.

Do not force children to lie

Parents should not force children to lie. In fact, although at some point they may seem unimportant lies, the little ones do not differentiate it. And also, you have to avoid making them accomplices of a lie.

Lying at the age to save money on something or asking them to say something different from reality to another adult teaches children that, on certain occasions, it is permissible to tell a lie. This only confuses them and, in the long run, favors the creation of a dishonest image of adults, which can end up generating a relationship of distrust towards them.

Talk about the difference between telling the truth and lying

From a young age, children have to understand what lies are and the difference between telling the truth.

Children often need help understanding what it means to tell the truth and all that goes with it. This must be approached from understanding and love, without punishment or drama; since children need time to understand these concepts.

Teach them why they shouldn’t tell lies

Children can lie following their fantasies, either as a form of fun or to avoid negative consequences of their actions.

Distinguishing why they lie helps explain why they shouldn’t lie and helps develop a plan.

Offer the child the opportunity to tell the truth

Instead of scolding and even punishing them for lying, it is highly recommended to offer children a new opportunity to tell the truth, as well as to warn them of the consequences of lying without shaming or threatening them.

Children have to value honesty as something that has value in itself, rather than a way to avoid punishment.

Reinforce the child when he tells the truth

One of the reasons children lie is to avoid the consequences of their actions. If the child acknowledges his actions or is sincere and receives a punishment, what is achieved is to reinforce the negative attitude of lying.

Instead, it is much more advisable to reinforce his honest attitude, talk to him and make sure he has understood what not to do, without threats or punishment.

Talk about the consequences of lying

It is important for the child to understand the consequences of lying. Therefore, taking advantage of real cases – or using as an excuse a story or movie that he has seen – it is important to analyze with him what has happened and what would have happened if, instead of lying, the truth had been told.

What it means to tell lies for a child

Just because kids start to lie doesn’t mean they are becoming compulsive liar, but rather it is a sign that they are developing important psychological skills. An example is the theory of mind, the ability to recognize that other people may have different beliefs or feelings than others. Thus, to lie, the child must realize that, although he knows very well what he did, others do not.

Lying also requires the development of executive function, a complex set of skills including working memory, inhibitory control, and planning skills. The child has to hide the truth, plan an alternate reality, design a story, tell about it, and remember it.

Therefore, children who lie demonstrate important cognitive skills. However, the lies are also partly due to poor cognitive abilities.

Children are emotional and impulsive, they struggle a lot with inhibitory control, an aspect of executive function, and that is why, despite your clear instructions not to do so, they will continue to do whatever it is they have been told not to do. . Of course, they will lie to cover up their mistakes and avoid being punished.

Therefore, you do not have to make a drama when you begin to discover the first lies, but you must act to prevent them from becoming a habit that, over time, costs more to eradicate.