How To Rebuild The Relationship With A “spoiled ” Child?

No parent wants to have a “spoiled” child, that’s for sure. However, things do not always work out well. They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and this may well apply many times to the issue of parenting. The mother or father always do what they think is best. However, just because they believe it doesn’t mean it is.

It is not easy to raise a boy in the midst of a society with great power of influence and evil temptations. There is tons of information about it, but many times you come across conflicting or elaborate messages for families that only exist in the imagination of those who recreate it. Real, flesh-and-blood parents make mistakes , get tired, exalt themselves, and contradict the manuals.

The point is that at some point kids grow up and while they do, you can’t help but feel that there are many points that are missing. Sometimes very aggressive, other times excessively impetuous. They don’t obey and you don’t have the tools to get them to. Ultimately, you realize that, despite the fact that you have done what you could, it is completely “spoiled.”

However, all is not lost. You can always get back on track, although at certain ages this mission is more complicated than at others. Here are some tips to repair those mistakes that may have occurred in parenting.

The signs that your child is a “brat”

It is always best to first make sure that there really is a parenting problem. Not all boys have the same temperament. Some have it very strong and it is not due to the education they have received, but to a natural inclination towards strong attitudes. What distinguishes a “spoiled” boy is a set of traits :

• He uses the tantrum or tantrums, like a small child but with much more force, as a weapon to achieve what he wants. A more “sophisticated” alternative to tantrum is blackmail.
• He has frequent explosions of a very high intensity in which he completely loses control.
• Use strong words to express yourself.
• He frequently damages his own objects or those of others, accidentally or deliberately.

• He consciously tells lies and tries to take advantage of them.
• He has a hard time fulfilling his duties and will not cooperate if you try to help him do so.
• He delegates his responsibilities or takes a lot of effort to assume them.
• Sometimes he steals.

The more characteristics of those described a child has, the greater the probability that we are dealing with a “spoiled” child. No doubt, the parents tried to educate him to be responsible and have more self-control strategies, but something went wrong and now the child can give us the feeling of being “unruly.”

Bad behavior: causes and solutions

Children do not misbehave just because, and in most or almost all cases, parents have a lot to do with the way they act. Obviously, bad parenting is what results in a spoiled child. Thus, the first thing is to detect why the boy is misbehaving. The usual thing is that it is due to any of these causes:

• No one has taught him to manage the energy that emanates from his emotions and he has not learned it himself. In most cases it is this lack of management that gives way to the impulsive and uncontrolled expression of this energy.
• Parents also do not know how to manage their emotions, so the example they have set for their children is far from adequate.
• He feels that he has been mistreated in some way, either by indifferent or absent parents or by verbal or physical aggression. He will resist or show resentment that mistreatment causes him by misbehaving.
• You feel too pressured. Some parents mistakenly believe that their child is a miniature adult and overload him with demands and / or responsibilities. After a certain limit, the boy will rebel and be a fool
• Parents do not know how to impose their authority. Sometimes they implement ambivalent, irrational or inconsistent rules. Sometimes, they themselves do not follow the rules that they impose on their children. At other times, they fear hurting them, or feel guilty for some reason and try to compensate by being too permissive.

The first thing, then, is to try to identify where the source of the problem is. In other words, specify the aspect / s of parenting in which it has failed. Also, gather love and patience because they will be necessary in the mission to reverse the situation.

A deep exercise in honesty is also going to be necessary . Parents should be willing and able to admit their mistakes, to which must be added the willingness to correct them. This task cannot be delegated to the children: this is achieved by mistakes on both sides.

There are three keys that never fail in that process of reversing bad parenting. The first thing is to impose non-negotiable rules starting with practical aspects such as schedules. The second is to find relaxed moments in which communication is fluid. He thinks that, for example, the game facilitates communication and contributes to understanding the meaning of the rules. Finally, listening is infallible: listening to him carefully and trying to understand his world will strengthen and enrich the relationship.

Images courtesy of Rhed Fawell