How To Make The Most Of Your Inner Child

The inner child is made up of the memories, experiences and emotions that persist in our unconscious due to experiences lived in our childhood. These arise from time to time and make us stand, for a few moments, under what the Jungian authors called the archetype of the child or puer aeternus .

This archetype usually arises periodically in stages of crisis or dissatisfaction, and is characterized by an impulse that, on the one hand, seeks protection, and on the other, activity and fun. In other words, break the routine, live and have a little fun, perhaps stopping taking life so seriously for a few moments.

Be aware of the inner child

Good thoughts and emotions lead to good habits and probably success as adults. But their antithesis can result in destructive patterns that interfere with adult life. This is so because adult life is rigid, complex, and competitive, and does not allow for weakness or idleness.

If an adult person is stuck in his life, wishing to return to the past and thinking about what his life could have been if he had done this or that, he may be under the influence of the inner child. Obviously, being very absorbed by this archetype implies not being able to commit to adult life or make realistic plans for the future.

However, it is not always bad to be under the influence of the inner child. In small doses, it can help us have fun, break the routine and do new things. In this article we will focus exclusively on this part.

In fact, whenever this inner child arises in us, it is for some reason. Perhaps it is because our present situation does not please us, or because we have past experiences that we have to solve and that are causing us certain negative, and even destructive patterns in the present moment.

Working with the inner child helps us identify what caused those destructive patterns, assimilate what happened, and heal those  old  hurts that still hurt us. Trying to assimilate this archetype, doing an adequate work of introspection, can help us to achieve a physical and mental balance.

How to know if our inner child is hurt?

Almost all of us have experienced some event in our childhood that marked our way of thinking and acting “on fire”. As Therese J. Borchard says in her article 6 Steps to Help Heal Your Inner Child, it is even more likely that our parents were also wounded inner children.

The same can be said for our teachers, grandparents, uncles, and other adults who participated in our upbringing. However, the goal of healing your inner child is not to assign guilt, but rather to accept what happened and take control of how it affects your life today.

Consequences of repressing the inner child

Some of the consequences of repressing the inner child are:

• Anguish, stress, not being able to relax
• Lack of flexibility
• Not being able to delegate, always assuming full responsibility
• Feelings of guilt
• Isolation
• Premature aging

These consequences are the product of irrational beliefs of the inner child, such as “I will never be important enough for Dad to stop drinking.” Once you identify these beliefs, you can replace them with more realistic ones, “my father made some bad decisions, but I can learn from them and avoid them.”

Only after realizing that we were just children and realizing that there was nothing we could do then to change our circumstances, can we shake off that misdirected guilt and really begin to cultivate our self-esteem.

So while it may be difficult to come face to face with what is bothering you from your past, don’t run away from it because it’s worth it. It is not known if luckily or unfortunately, the only way to deal with problems, trauma or fear is to face it.

Towards healing and integration

Healing, making amends or integrating the inner child, makes it become a fundamental part of us. Of our personality and way of being : innocent, jovial, simple, playful and cheerful, which can produce great satisfaction and creativity.

Once you have a healthy inner child, then you can take on the role of parent to your inner child. Just like a wise and loving parent does, you can grant healthy desires to play, spend an entire afternoon laughing and enjoying yourself. If some of those old false reasonings come up from your inner child, you can reassure them by reaffirming their worth.