For You, Who Were Not There When I Needed You Most

For you, who were not there when I needed you most, who did not respond to my call for help and left me lost in a labyrinth without exit. I was hurt by not being able to count on you. I thought you were my most faithful and loyal friend. I considered true all those words that you dedicated to me in which you affirmed that I could contact you at any time that you would soon come. However, I was able to verify that none of this was true.

On many occasions we are immersed in circumstances that we consider unfair. These cause us a lot of pain and suffering that intensifies the moment we require someone who does not appear. When this happens we blame, we resent and we begin to see those people with different eyes. The negative emotions that affect us multiply, causing our situation to be replaced by a new one: disappointment.

You weren’t there and I judged you

Maybe it’s time to be a little more flexible. Adversity is complicated, but withdrawing from ourselves and trying to blame people who can’t be there when we need it will make things worse. Sometimes their disappearance is not intentional, but because they also have their problems, their worries, their own difficulties.

When something bad happens to us, we consider ourselves the center of the world. Suddenly everything revolves around us and we cry out for help. We cry out for help that is not always answered, but not because they have abandoned us, but because others are also human and have to deal with their own ghosts.

Perhaps the fact of blaming and judging this reality that disappoints us so much is a way of unloading all our frustration and rejection of what we are experiencing. Because nobody likes things to go wrong. Nor have to fight against what we have not sought to confront … It is our emotions that are taking us through a dark terrain. It would be very important that we were aware of this, that we took time to see and analyze them to avoid being unfair to those who really love us.

In addition, there is something very important that we have to take into account. Although we can count on the support of the people we appreciate, in the end we will be alone in the face of danger. Well, it is in our hands to solve the problems that threaten us. No matter how much support we have, it will never be enough. Only we have that baton that can end difficulties.

Your absence plunged me into loneliness

Think of a time in your life when someone close to you needed you and you were not there for him. Perhaps you were working, on vacation and with your mobile turned off, struggling with responsibilities that were plunging you into a whirlwind of stress … and if this hasn’t happened to you yet, it may one day.

It is also possible that on a certain occasion someone reproached you for your absence when you did not know what was happening to him. How could you know? You are not a fortune teller! However, you may have experienced the same thing too. That moment when you want the presence of those who do not know what is happening to you and that you blame for said ignorance.

For all this, the resentment you feel is not fair, neither for the other nor for you. You have to learn to be independent to deal with difficulties. Afterwards, if you have support, great! But don’t consider that this is something you will always have. The least you need in the most difficult moments is to feed negative feelings: disappointment, guilt, loneliness … You do it because you consider it a means of escape. One new problem will lessen the severity of the other. However, later you will have two when at first only one affected you.

Observe all those thoughts of “you weren’t there and that hurt me”, “you weren’t there and that’s why you are no longer worthy of my trust” and transform them into “you weren’t there and nothing happens, I’m sure you have your reasons, but I won’t know them until tell me about them ”. Sometimes you may believe and intuit things that are not.

We are afraid of discovering ourselves alone in the face of danger. We blame those who make us feel that loneliness, that makes us so angry, because we think that nobody loves us, that there is no person we can trust. We continue to justify that fear of being alone by cultivating resentment and guilt towards others, when in reality we would have to dive into all those emotions that we feel and that are drawing our attention.

We may then realize that we need a shoulder to lean on in order to make choices, to enjoy the approval of others, or to feel relieved at our lack of courage to face a new and complicated situation. It is then that we will open our eyes and begin to be fair to those whose absences have taught us the most about ourselves.

Images courtesy of Dimitra Milan