Everything Has To Be Tried Again And Love Is No Exception

Reading this short and pulsating article by Leila Guerriero in the newspaper, I found the main core of this reflection: love ends and when it does it tears the one who still feels but, over time, we are forced to heal and try again.

We assimilate the pain of emotional blows with falls because we collapse, we get hurt, we become disoriented and we think we lose the strength we have. For this reason, any failure, mistake or setback scares us so much: suddenly, we understand that many holes open in the body and no one but us can cover them again.

However, everything has to be tried again and love is no exception: what is causing more suffering is not that fall, but keeping you on the ground defeated. You can and should dust off the traces of the disaster, dry your tears and re-sew your heart : do not abandon, do not abandon yourself.

Declare with courage that we have lost

Even harder than the breakup, whether for biological or emotional reasons, is perhaps stopping to interpret what is happening to us: it is not easy to recognize that we are at a point where we have to react to move on. Still, you are capable of doing it even if you don’t believe in it and when you do, the “grieving process” will take its course until you feel fully well.

Taking charge of the situation in which we find ourselves is not usually easy if it is not, but it is a price that we have to pay to dazzle ourselves with new opportunities: wake up from the fragile sleepwalking in which you find yourself immersed and face the fear of acceptance. It will take a lot of effort, and yet I assure you it will be worth it.

Julio Cortázar used to say that “nothing is lost if you have the courage to proclaim that everything is lost” and, if we think about it, overcoming any emotional loss implies a state of courage to recognize the reality that afflicts us. Having enough claw to observe a light source among so much shadow will surely help us to get closer to it.

The pre-process before trying a relationship again

On many occasions we are not aware that the word grief is not only linked to the death of a loved one, but also to the sentimental, cognitive and physiological shock generated by loss. In the case of a love relationship, the phases we go through are the same as in other cases and its duration depends on each person:

• Denial phase: if the couple that we formed with someone has broken up for any reason, that member who resists the break also denies having lost the other.

• Anger, indifference or anger phase : Over time, the breakup begins to be recognized but may not be understood. It gives rise to guilt, discontent, causes, etc.
• Negotiation phase: the bond has been broken and is recognized, but it may happen that one of the members continues to think about finding solutions that heal the union.
• Phase of emotional pain: in these moments of mourning, solutions do not arrive and sadness monopolizes all possible states. Little by little the feeling of grief should diminish and, if not, it is recommended to ask for help.
• Adaptation phase: there is no going back and everything that we are inside begins to love each other again. The need to forget and build new memories outside of that relationship is accepted.

Give yourself another chance, offer a chance

After the adaptation phase corresponding to the grieving process for the love of a couple, you will be ready to try other paths again: this arduous journey will teach you to look for yourself, to learn from the mistakes you have made and, above all, it will give you the ideal clues to find out what will make you happy. It is beneficial that here we mention the virtue of loving ourselves in order to love ourselves again and let ourselves be loved.

In this way, you are going to give yourself another chance and you are going to offer an opportunity to those who arrive with the intention of staying to improve your world: you deserve those pampering, you deserve that affection. Perhaps, it is true, there are some turns back, but they will no longer hurt: you will look in amazement at the past, with that face of improvement that only a great warrior has. 

Despite all the suffering that love may have given you, do not let such a beautiful feeling be clouded by that bad experience: we were born to love and, although unfortunately it hurts, it has nothing to do with pain. Lets know the best version of who you are with a new love. So, if you’re really ready, don’t let fears hold you back: let go, let it grow and, if it fails, you always have to try again.