Block Or Delete People: The Cold Strategy For Ending Relationships

All of us, in some way, have made use of the “block or delete friends” button on our social networks. Sometimes it is hygienic and even necessary. However, it is no longer so when it becomes the cold strategy to end an emotional relationship or friendship. A single click is  enough to disappear, to establish distance and silence without having to give any explanation.

Social media, whether we like it or not, is often a reflection of our real life. Furthermore, in each like , in each written word or published photo, a brushstroke of our personality is imprinted. Those virtual algorithms are reflections of our essence and behavior. The developers know it and we know it. Therefore, nothing that happens in these scenarios is accidental.

Thus, the phenomenon of the “unfriend”, not a friend or person that we choose to delete or block from our social network, is something increasingly studied by psychologists and creators of these computer worlds. The reason? Since the “unfollow” button was created on Facebook in 2009, its use has only grown. These platforms not only mimic the same social phenomena that surround us. In addition, they are changing the way we interact.

Let’s see more data below.

Block or delete people a useful social behavior in some cases

In recent years, the behavior of Facebook or Twitter users is changing. We could say that, in some way, we are maturing. Today, having many friends is not so highly valued . That common line from a while ago where we accumulated hundreds of friends on social networks is ending. This is seen especially in people over 30 years old, who want to give their social networks a more serious and professional use.

Therefore, the strategy of blocking or deleting people is not only adequate, but necessary in many cases. With this action, the classic spammers are avoided , that is, users who are annoying or not very similar to each one who bother or simply do not like them. We try to separate the wheat from the chaff. Furthermore, with this action we come in turn to reaffirm what is known as the Dunbar number theory.

This proposal was defined by the anthropologist Robin Dunbar in the 90s. According to him, people can have more or less meaningful relationships with no more than 150 people. In them we can also include those users with whom we interact in a regular (and enriching) way on social networks, even without meeting them in person.

Therefore, today we are increasingly given to using filters in these virtual worlds to harmonize our lives. We have taken a step forward, and most are already seeking the same balance in real life as in social networks.

Block and delete friends: end meaningful relationships with one click

We already know that, on average, we seek to reduce contacts in these cyber neighborhoods to have the same balance as in real life. Something that at first may seem positive to us, in reality it is not so much. The reason for this is in the following: often,  we integrate the same actions that are carried out in that virtual world in real life.

Thus, there is no shortage of those who, after a disagreement with a co-worker, choose to block or delete those people from their social networks. Others do the same with their friends. Even more, this dynamic is happening more and more at the affective level. It is part of that other phenomenon known as  ghosting. Remember, it is a practice where someone leaves their partner without saying a word or giving any explanation. Thus, in addition to silence, what the other person will perceive almost immediately is that he no longer appears on social networks or in his (ex) partner’s contacts.

Some people take it for granted that by eliminating someone from these virtual worlds, they will magically disappear into everyday life as well. Perhaps they think that the other party will quickly be evaded and will understand that action. However, what these practices, like ghosting, provoke is suffering. The victims are suspended in an emotional limbo where it is very difficult to shape a duel and the assumption of that end.

Now, however desperate and immature these behaviors seem to us, there is something important to reflect on. We should not blame technology. Nor to the creators and developers of those social networks that we use every day. What these virtual scenarios do is reflect once again the difficulty of communication so inherent in the human being.

Blocking or deleting people in one click makes our life easier. It is fast, it is harmless for those who execute it and best of all, avoid seeing the other person face to face to say “I no longer love you”, “I am not interested in you” or “I do not want you in my life for these reasons” . Human beings and their ability to communicate effectively have always had cracks. Now with technology we are creating even bigger gaps.

Let’s learn to deal with our problems in person. Because the delete button on our mobile devices, after all, does not solve most of life’s conflicts.

What to do if our loved ones block or erase us?

The journalist and writer Lucía Martín recommends:

Questioning oneself is the most frequent reaction in people who suffer this abrupt way of ending a relationship. In this way, we question what we have done wrong, what we have said or why it has disappeared. Instead, the first thing to think about is that their attitude says more about the person in question than about ourselves.

Second, we must allow ourselves to feel the pain, the disappointment, the shame, or whatever it is that we are feeling in the moment. The third step is to speak with someone close to us for support and comfort. Talking about our feelings and thoughts has been shown to help craft painful experiences.

Finally, we must focus on our self-care, such as: eating well, getting enough sleep and exercising are vital to managing pain. Other alternatives are yoga, meditation, and mindfulness. Since they reduce the production of stress hormones in the body and can even restructure some neural connections associated with pain.