Being Too Trusting, Is It Really A Mistake To Trust Others?

Sometimes, there are those who accuse us of being too trusting. However, can we be penalized and labeled as ‘naive’ for placing our trust in someone? The truth is that not in all cases. Because offering trust and expecting to receive it is not a mistake. The fault lies in the one who lies, in the one who plays with other people’s hearts and misrepresents the essences of respect.

Lao-Tzu said that those who do not trust enough will not be trustworthy. Somehow, whether we want it or not, people are “forced” to trust others to live together. Otherwise, we would live in environments characterized by permanent anguish. Otherwise, no one would dare, for example, take the wheel of a car, get on any public transport or leave the children in schools under the care of the center’s staff.

Our culture and our civilization bases a large part of its social essence and its dynamics on the principle of trust. We take it for granted every day to be able to live together, to be able to reduce the feeling of fear and uncertainty in our relationships; Because trust, after all, is that act of faith that we practice daily with our eyes closed, but with a receptive heart.

That is why, sometimes, it can hurt us enormously when someone accuses us of being too trusting after going through a bad experience. When they say something like this to us, to the suffering due to our own disappointment we add the doubt of , perhaps we have sinned naivety in this case? Should we have had a certain malice and been more cautious? …

Being overconfident, the power of emotions

We could say that the word ‘trust’ is one of the most beautiful that exists. This term not only defines our ability to create connections based on security and full affection in others. Likewise, in it there is also a principle that drives us to action, to an action in which fear does not exist, from which we dare to relate without a feeling of concern or suspicion.

Now, there is a fact that may call our attention. As psychologist Joe Bavonese of the Relationship Institute in Royal Oak, Michigan points out, people have become much more distrustful in the last ten years.

One factor that explains this is the advances in new technologies. Thanks to them we have access to a large number of information and it also offers us the possibility of meeting many more people. However, none of those dimensions are 100% reliable to us.

Likewise, it seems that living in a present so deeply rooted in uncertainty (economic, social, political, etc.) also affects our relationships. We are perhaps a little more cautious, a little more demanding. Still, those that some label as overconfident remain plentiful. But … how are those people who sometimes sin from an excess of confidence in others?

Affective (or emotional) confidence and cognitive confidence

When people build bonds of trust, we do so through two very specific dimensions:

• In the first place, there is affective trust, which is nourished mainly from the emotional plane. It is when we feel that this or those people are trustworthy because our heart tells us so, because we feel good with them, because the emotions they make us feel are the best value for us.
• Cognitive confidence. In this case, judgments, thoughts and beliefs are added to the emotional dimension. In this case, people carry out a series of evaluations that convince us in a perhaps more practical and objective way why these people are to be trusted.

Thus, as explained in a study carried out by Jennifer Dunn, from the University of California, when we are too confident, perhaps we get too carried away by the emotional plane. Our judgments do not always adjust to reality and we limit ourselves, possibly, to listening to our emotions without sometimes being able to see or appreciate other more concrete indications.

Trusting others will never be a mistake, but when is it?

Trusting others will never be a mistake on our part. We cannot forget that our brain is a purely social organ designed to connect, to establish relationships and thus guarantee our survival. Trust is a basic principle in the human being and therefore, experiencing disappointment, betrayal or the lash of a lie is often experienced as traumatic.

Therefore, with this aspect clear, in what situations CAN we be criticized for being too trusting? These would be some examples.

When we don’t take into account past experiences

Someone may fail us once or even twice. Now, if after several disappointments, grievances, bad times and bitterness, we continue to place our trust in that person, the mistake is ours.

Experience is always the best advisor. Therefore, no one can blame himself for having made a mistake once. Living is also falling, it is also stumbling and leaving our hearts in the wrong hands. Now, after these situations, you have to do an adequate act of introspection and obtain a good learning. Stumbling over the same stone over and over is not good for anyone.

When we forget that in relationships we must be demanding

Being overconfident sometimes implies exposing ourselves to unnecessary harm. It never hurts to apply a degree of excellence in relational matters and dare to be exquisite foodies when choosing friends and affectionate partners.

Therefore, it is necessary to remember which are the three indisputable principles of trust. Those that no one should violate:

• Trust is knowing that we are worthy of receiving support and help when we need or request it.
• Trust is being able to share confidences without being judged or betrayed.
• Finally, trust is knowing that we are not going to be harmed in any way by the person in whom we place that trust.

To conclude, we all need to be able to trust someone. Without this daily support, life becomes hard and loses momentum… Therefore, let us try to  be good providers of this dimension with others, but also prudent when choosing in which pockets to deposit this precious commodity.