Abandonment Is The Wound That Lasts The Longest

The abandonment of our partner, of our parents in childhood or even of society itself, generates a wound that is not seen, but that one feels beating every day. Because it is a root uprooted, a broken link where our emotions and security were previously nurtured.

Now, there is one aspect that we must take into account: abandonment is not only produced by a physical absence. The most common abandonment is the one where an emotional authenticity ceases to exist, where disinterest, apathy and coldness appear. The perception of this void has no age, it is something that every child will perceive and that of course, comes to devastate any adult.

The psychological implications that derive from an early experience associated with abandonment are usually quite serious. Although each child faces the facts in a way, it is common for the traces of a trauma to remain, and traumas are not cured by time, but by adequate coping. An intimate and personal battle that many people are experiencing right now …

The abandonment: drifting ships laden with absences

The feeling of abandonment can occur in many ways. We become drifting boats when, for example, we lose our jobs and find no way to rejoin the job market. We are left stranded, how lost is that child who at an early age is abandoned by his mother, or as that man who one day when he gets home, discovers an empty house and the absence of the woman he loved.

There is an interesting page called “Abandonment.net” where anyone who needs it can expose their personal experience related to abandonment. Many find it therapeutic to be able to share these experiences, but in most of these testimonies a trauma that occurred at a very early age is perceived above all : the death of the father or mother, having an alcoholic parent or having practically grown up in life. loneliness…

The fact of suffering some type of abandonment in childhood is something decisive. So much so that experts comment that it is like a second birth. If the first was painful but hopeful, the second means having to “be reborn” in a world where we do not feel loved, where we have to learn to fend for ourselves by suffering the rupture of that umbilical cord that linked us to a heart, to emotions , to needs that had to be satisfied….

Consequences associated with emotional abandonment

. Not all people assume and express pain in the same way. However, we could summarize it as follows.

• Being abandoned in childhood often means having serious difficulties in establishing stable relationships in adulthood. It is common to distrust, feel vulnerable, go through times of certain apathy, where it is very difficult to manage emotions such as anger or sadness.

• When a person suffers the abandonment of their partner or, why not, that of society itself, they can even “sabotage themselves” thinking, for example, that they do not deserve to be happy or loved, that they do not have aptitudes, that Your own dreams are no longer worth fighting for because there is nothing to do anymore.

• Codependency problems also appear, they need approval and recognition and, in turn, they come to give too much of themselves to others, feeling that later, what is received is not equal to what is invested.

• In turn, it is common to suffer from certain “emotional reminiscences”. Sometimes something or someone reactivates your feelings of abandonment and your whole world comes to a standstill again.

All of these are signs of severe post-traumatic stress disorder that must be managed.

How to heal the wound of abandonment

The wound of abandonment must be healed by paying special attention to self-esteem and, above all, being able to forgive, to free ourselves from that past like someone who cuts the thread of a very dark balloon and lets it go. Although obviously, that is a very difficult step to carry out.

• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, for example , is often very helpful in detecting and transforming traumatic childhood memories. It allows the person to free the mind, the body and open his heart to offer him adequate emotional relief.

• In turn, experts in traumatic experiences suggest the importance of learning to communicate emotional needs. Through words, injured people will be able to connect with people around them who can help and support them, thus establishing safer relationships.

Something as essential as learning to take care of ourselves, to prioritize each day to disconnect little by little from anger and resentment, will allow us to stop being captives of yesterday’s wounds. Memory cannot erase the sadness of the past, but it can give you calm and tranquility like someone watching a river flow. Everything passes, and although the coldest and darkest stones remain at the bottom, the water runs clear and pure over them. We can start again…