Three Things I Have Learned Not To Do When Suffering From Anxiety

When we suffer from anxiety, “calm down, relax and see how you feel better” is of little use. For a few minutes we will achieve it, but shortly after that that fearsome enemy will return again to take our breath away and our enthusiasm. This is so because anxiety is not a disease, but a symptom, the echo of a diffuse, deep and formless problem that needs to be clarified and managed.

We all know that feeling. It usually begins with a pressure on the chest, as if the demon himself from Heinrich Füssli’s famous painting, “The Nightmare”, sat on us daily to take away our vital energy. Later will come muscle pain, headache, digestive problems and insomnia.

Likewise, we cannot forget that the physical symptoms intensify every day due to that lethal combination made up of distorted, mostly negative thoughts and the feeling of constant threat. Nor does it matter that we do not carry out any activity or that we are on vacation: if our mind is trapped in that tunnel of darkness, of fears and catastrophic thoughts, there is no use relaxing.

In these states where one is unable to reason clearly, there are many things that are not going to be useful even if we think so. We can do yoga, we can paint mandalas, we can listen to music and go for a walk. All these activities are positive, they are relaxing and they bring benefits, there is no doubt, but they are temporary benefits that do not solve the original problem.

In reality, success in treating anxiety processes lies in a multidisciplinary approach. Relaxation is very therapeutic, as well as the support of ours, sports and a balanced diet. However, we also need a cognitive-behavioral strategy to help us rethink certain things and make changes. 

Let’s see below how to face this reality in the best way, starting first from those dimensions that, no matter how much they surprise us, do not help when it comes to treating anxiety and putting it away definitively.

1. When something worries me I have learned not to run away or escape from it

Ana works as a commercial in an important company. He enters every day at 8 in the morning; however, for a few weeks he has started to be late. The funny thing is that he leaves home on time; however, just as he is about to hit the freeway to go to his workplace, he turns around and drives to a cafeteria. There, she takes an infusion and tells herself that for an hour she is not going to think about anything: she just wants to relax.

As we can deduce from this small example, what our protagonist does is “run away” from the root of the problem. You feel unable to go to work. Thus, what can start with a delay in your start time, can end in sick leave because pressure, fear and anxiety will make you unable to fulfill your responsibility.

What is the correct way to act in these cases?

These types of reactions are completely normal for a very simple reason. When our brain senses a threat, it triggers the release of cortisol to prepare our body for flight or fight.

•  The problem with avoidance is that it makes long-term anxiety worse, intensifies it.
• Also, as we repeat this flight behavior, we see ourselves as incapable of coping with the situation. Therefore, that fear becomes even more threatening.
• A useful strategy in these cases, instead of running away, avoiding or distracting ourselves with other things so as not to think about what worries us, is to  rationalize the situation through questions that begin with a “what if …?”
  • What if I told my boss that I don’t think this and that is right?
  • What if my boss agrees with me and my employment situation improves?
  • What if you lose your job?
  • What if I tried my best to find a job that met my potential?

2. I must not feed the cyclone of ruminant thoughts

Constant and obsessive worry is the cognitive component of anxiety. Thus, one of its worst collateral effects is robbing us of the ability to reflect, to be able to analyze things calmly and from more logical and useful perspectives. It is therefore necessary to take these dimensions into account.

• When something worries me, scares me or bothers me, the mind has a natural tendency to create a chaotic epicenter with all those negative spots. Soon, the most adverse emotions emerge and that feeling of threat that will intensify the worry even more.
• One way to stop that vicious circle or that uroboros that bites its tail is by becoming aware of it and stopping it.
• In these cases , progressive relaxation exercises as well as diaphragmatic breathing are going to come in handy. However, it should be remembered that they are useful for calming symptoms such as muscle tension and internal agitation.

• Only when we perceive that our body is more relaxed and our mind clearer, will we begin to break the cycle of negative thinking to bring new options. We will make proposals, we will focus on the present instead of anticipating things that have not yet happened.

3. Denying anxiety or wanting to erase it completely does not make sense

Something that we should be very clear about is that there is no point in wanting to erase anxiety from our lives. She will always be there, because she is part of the human being, and as curious as it may seem, it is also useful for our survival and for adapting much better to our environments.

To understand it much better, let’s reflect for a moment on these ideas:

• We can live with our anxiety as long as it does not become our enemy.
• The best way to live with anxiety is to allow it to be with us but by observing it closely, controlling it and anticipating its triggers. If we do not, it will be she who assumes control automatically and without us noticing.
• Anxiety will turn negative the moment we notice that our life is blocked and limited, affecting in some way – no matter how small – our relationships and work performance.

For its part, positive anxiety can act as a true psychological craft. It is she who invites us to improve, to anticipate risks to solve them, to see opportunities to take advantage of them to our full potential, she who frees us from laziness and passivity to become beings capable of achieving our goals.

To conclude, as we have seen, there is not just one way to face and manage anxiety; in reality there are undoubtedly many paths. However, it all starts with understanding that  anxiety is the mind wanting to go faster than life. Let’s stop the beat and start talking to ourselves.