9 Signs Of Psychological Manipulation In Communication

Do not answer. Ironize. Say you can’t talk to us. Make use of condescension as if we were children. Threaten us with ultimatums. The signs of psychological manipulation in communication and language are as varied as they are exhausting. It is a form of mental exploitation and emotional abuse that we must learn to recognize.

Licio Gelli was one of the darkest men in the history of Italy. This agent of the so-called Masonic lodge Propaganda Due, was a neo-fascist specialized in the manipulation of the great masses. Something that such a sinister character once said was that, to control someone, it was enough to know how to communicate. Language is a weapon and the most perverse strategy for domination, he indicated.

We all know it well. We know that in the sphere of politics, in advertising and in that great universe that is the mass media,  manipulation is used almost constantly to seduce us, influence our decisions and, ultimately, to control us. Now, the thing already becomes a little more sibylline and complex when we go to the private sphere.

We speak of course about that small, intimate and close scenario that we establish with our own. With our family, partner, friends … The signs of psychological and emotional manipulation flow between us almost constantly, but camouflaged. Furthermore, we ourselves may also be applying them unconsciously. Therefore, it is essential to know how to detect and react to them.

If language is the dress of thoughts, let us learn to think more delicately. Let us understand that it is not only important to take care of what we say but also how we say it.

Signs of psychological manipulation in communication

When we talk about psychological manipulation in communication, what happens in the first place is an imbalance in the relationship. It is using language in favor of one and not only to control the other, but also to do harm. Because what drives the mechanism of this covert aggression are the most visceral emotions.

Aldous Huxley said that words can be like X-rays. Used in a Machiavellian way they can cut through everything: the self-esteem of the other, dignity and even identity. Let us learn, therefore, to see them coming, to understand a little more this destructive dynamic on a personal level.

1. Manipulation of the facts

Every expert in psychological manipulation in communication is a great strategist, distorting the truth. He will always put it in his favor, he will lessen his part of responsibility to project all the blame on us. Furthermore, it will make use of exaggeration and key information will be saved to further simplify the data and thus ensure that the balance always leans towards its “truth”.

2. He will tell you that he cannot talk to you

This phrase is simple, direct and effective. If someone tells us that “you can’t talk to us,” they avoid precisely what they want: to talk about that problem. Thus, it is common for us to be told that we are too emotional, that we take everything hard and that in recent times communication with us is very difficult. They project what they themselves suffer from: communication skills.

3. Intellectual harassment

The psychological and emotional manipulator also usually makes use of another very common communication strategy. It is about intellectual harassment, which is nothing more than providing us with a huge amount of arguments, information, facts and convoluted reasoning to convince us of something through exhaustion and infoxication.

4. Ultimatums and little time to decide

If you do not accept what I propose, this is over. I give you until tomorrow to think about what I have told you. These types of communication strategies are undoubtedly very painful and distressing. They place us between a rock and a hard place, generate anxiety and plunge us into states of great emotional suffering.

It is necessary to understand that whoever respects us, who truly loves us will not make use of these all or nothing threats. It is another very common manipulation strategy.

5. Say our name numerous times during the conversation

When someone speaks our name almost continuously and exaggeratedly in conversation or discussion, they are executing a clever control mechanism. In doing so, it forces the other person to pay attention and puts them in a continuous state of intimidation.

6. Ironies and black humor

The irony and the use of that sense of humor that humiliates, ridicules and underestimates us is another of the most recurrent signs of psychological manipulation in communication. The aggressor or manipulator seeks to belittle us and tries to impose his supposed psychological superiority on us.

7. The use of silence or evasion

I don’t want to talk about that. Now is not a good time. And now why do you bring up that topic? …  This type of dynamic tends to be very recurrent in affective relationships, especially if one of the parties lacks communication skills, will and a sense of responsibility.

8. Appear ignorance: “I don’t understand what you mean”

This is a very classic tactic. That of pretending that one does not understand what the other wants him to say or do. It is playing with the other person making him see that he complicates things too much, that he takes the conversation to a level that does not make sense. We are facing a classic strategy of the passive-aggressive manipulator where he avoids assuming his responsibility and seeks to make the other suffer.

9. Will let you speak first

Among the signs of psychological manipulation in communication more refined, is that of who wants us to speak first. With this strategy you achieve several things. The first buy time to prepare his arguments, the second find our weak points.

Likewise, it is common that after listening to us, the emotional manipulator avoids exposing their ideas or opinions. It can be limited to asking us questions, to exploring issues that, far from being useful to reach an agreement, seek to highlight our defects, direct the problem to its terrain and expose us as clumsy, weak or exaggerated people.

In conclusion. While it is true that there are many other strategies for psychological and emotional manipulation in the field of human communication, these are undoubtedly the most common dynamics. They are forms of intimidation that reduce not only the possibility of establishing effective dialogues, but also serve to subdue the other, to incapacitate him at all levels: personally, emotionally and mentally.

Let’s learn to recognize these behaviors.