6 Keys To Get Someone To Open Up To You

Can you get someone to open up? How can we get it? Is it an easy or difficult task? We will reel it out throughout this article, in which we reflect on some of the most important values ​​when it comes to connecting with people. And it is that, interpersonal relationships based on trust, for example, are those in which, with more probability, moments will appear where the free expression of feelings will be easier.

There is no magic formula to achieve it, in addition, there are people who express the things they feel more easily than others. However, there are small actions that can bring us closer to this purpose. Stay if you want to discover them!

Being honest with others, actively listening to them and not judging them are some of the first steps that can help us connect with people. And that connection, precisely, together with the fact that the other feels comfortable and confident, will be the one that will make it easier for others to open up to us. What keys to getting someone to open up can be helpful? We leave you 6 of them.

Be yourself

Authenticity calls for authenticity … so if you want someone to open up, be yourself, be authentic. This will make it easier for the other person to also be with you, to show themselves as they are and to express what they feel.

This is achieved with time, dedication and perseverance; In addition, there are people who find it more difficult to open up to others. However, to see in others what we want, it is best that we project just that (in this case, authenticity).

Practice active listening

Active listening has received multiple definitions. In a study by Hernández and Lesmes (2018), published in the journal  Convicciones, the researchers define it as a “form of communication that transmits clear ideas without interrupting the receiver”. When we actively listen to someone, we do so by paying attention to them and asking questions we need to better understand them.

In a way, this can help the person open up more to us. In relation to this, José Andrés Murillo, Doctor of Philosophy and author of the book Confianza Lúcida (2012), listening to others fosters the trust they have in us. And the more confident they are, the more likely they are to express what they feel.

Do not judge

When we judge someone (and that person feels that way), the chances of that person opening up to us are drastically reduced. Why? Precisely because nobody likes to be judged. It’s like when we go to the psychologist; The goal is to open up to the therapist and tell them what they need to know so that they can help us.

What happens if we feel judged by the professional? Which will probably cost us twice as much to open up to him next time. Therefore, another key to getting someone to open up is to avoid judging them.

Empathize

Empathy is a quality, an ability that allows us to put ourselves in the place of the other. It also allows us to feel what that person feels (or at least get closer to that feeling). It is a value that facilitates social communication and above all, the fact that someone shows himself as he is with us.

When we listen and treat others with empathy, these people feel more free to express themselves, because they feel understood and supported. So if you want someone to open up, listen to them from the heart and put yourself in their shoes.

Find a topic to start from

Another key to getting someone to open up is to find a topic from which to start. In what sense? Find a topic that interests you, or a topic that is not difficult for you to talk about. We should avoid delicate or painful topics at the beginning (especially if we do not know that person well).

Through a first contact, a first conversation, we can get to know that person, but like everything else, it takes time. The best way to cultivate the trust that others can place in us is to dedicate time to that person and start, in this sense, with topics that are more accessible or easier for them.

Take the initiative

This key idea can be especially useful if you find that it is difficult for that person to open up or express themselves; take the iniciative. This can be good for you to break the ice and especially to direct the interaction, that is, to take the reins yourself. There are people who, in order to open up emotionally, need precisely this initiative from the other.

In this sense, it may be good for you to start the conversation or contact and, once established, you are the one who proposes the topics, who asks the questions, etc. (but never in an invasive or intimidating way, but tactfully and little by little).

Getting someone to open up: a useful exercise

It is not easy to get someone to open up. To achieve this, we must always act from respect and empathy, putting ourselves in the place of the other person. Among the ideas discussed, we have also talked about the importance of not judging others, since doing so can be a great brake for the person who is opening up to us.

As people, the more free and less judged we feel, the less it will cost us to open ourselves to the rest, share, communicate, express … If you really want someone to open up, and you don’t know how to start working on it, do a little exercise and ask yourself next: How would you feel more comfortable expressing your feelings? In what kind of conversation and environment? With what kind of people? What would you expect from the other to do it?